Guilt

It eats away at you,
the guilt.

When you're so used to doing nothing wrong,
you misplace your defence mechanisms.
The ones that make you strong.
When you're so used to doing only right,
you misplace the fight.

It eats away at you,
the feeling,
the one that reminds you where you should be.
What you should be doing.

It feels like I've misplaced it all.
But really its just the guilt,
making me feel like I've lost my mind.

And finders, keepers.

Family Values.

I just saw something no one should ever have to see.
Broken hearts and bleeding faces.

Piecing together a story I should have been there for myself to see.
And away I escape,
while they're left picking up the pieces.

But there are parts they'll never find.
A broken heart that may very well have been mine.
A broken heart that has been breaking for time,
but I was too busy seeing all the things you didn't do right.

And all the things you didn't do right,
came spewing from your mouth like a hose out a sewer,
that couldn't be turned right.

And all the rights you could have taken,
but you chose to go left.

And I saw the care in the eyes of the man that loved you,
but couldn't anymore.
Couldn't because you didn't love yourself,
you loved him more.

And the questions you slurred out your downturned lips,
the scar on your eyebrow that will signify forever
the night you told the truth.

The night we sat sobbing around you
while you not so calmy said you wanted to die.
And when locking yourself in the bathroom
I actually feared your demise
I realised you truly are sick.

I'm weak
you sobbed.
I can't think of a better word that fits.

All my worst fears are personified in you.
You are the be all and end all of all the things
I never want to be.

And that makes me so sad.

My heart split in two
half went out to him,
half to you.

Then shattered onto the floor,
along with the other three.
For you all to sweep up,
while I drive away,
home.