Break From Yourself.

I just want to be alone. There is no other explanation. I am so exhausted of the stories and the smiles, the exaggerations and the lies. I want to take 10 books, sit on an island and read. No one around me. And yet my life could never work like that. It is too hectic. Everyone wants something, and how long could I really last anyway? My every thought, every action, every conversation, photo, being… all laid out for you to see. Judge me, piece by piece, and I wont even know. I want to disconnect, go somewhere no one knows my name. Start new, no expectations to reach. No prerequisite me, that i need to pretend to be.

The Likeliness Of Being

And with everyone screaming to be noticed, how will your voice be distinguished from the rest? With everyone fighting to be heard, how will you ensure you win the battle, if not the war. All they want is to be special, unique. And they are, just like the rest of the world.

Source: postsecret.com

The Why

And I have the how tamed and obedient, so much easier to explain. It's the why that keeps me wondering, and drives me insane. Why drop like an eyelid, bow your head, believe without proof? History is only the memory of something, what can be demonstrated or proved. If evidence is replaced and removed, you will believe simply what I tell you to, that will be the truth.

Emerging From You

Emerging from you felt like lifting the blinds, looking out of the window and seeing that it was a nice day outside. It was there all along. I just couldn't see the light while surrounded by the darkness.

Fix Yourself

Theres an awe that takes flutter in your chest, when you see a multitude of empty faces around you. They each have thoughts, different to those you think. Experiences that are both similar, yet different to yours. But their eyes blink and well up with liquid that they too often do not understand. Their lips smile and kiss, and scream, just as often. Someone broke them and made them who they are. Someone broke them and they had to fix themselves.

Other Than You.

Evolution dictates that we want what we cant have. Unsure of how this is beneficial to survival, the story is ever looping, ever reoccurring. Not one that can be learnt, or avoided along with the mistakes made. And bruised ego’s and mascara stained faces result. Ideas that everyone is something they are not. Falling short of the world’s wishes, or rather your version of them. But they are not. They are simply something other than what you wanted them to be. And so the cycle repeats. Your ego would love to mold them. Go ahead, try. maybe you’ll be the exception to the rule.

Resistance.

And when it all falls down around you, do not be surprised. Did I not warn you? Were you not listening? And once again you have confused yourself with god, you thought you were the almighty. You thought you could predict and decide the course of the world and the routes we would take. But once again you have been proved wrong. Is this not enough times now? we need to appreciate what is before us, there is a strength around us that is untouchable, it arises with the sun every morning and surrounds the moon every night. Do not fight it. Simply succumb. Resistance is futile. And do you not think it is so arrogant to fight the way in which things have been done since the first footsteps graced the sky. And yet if it were not so would we ever have gotten there? the importance of midnight phonecalls, of unspoken words, of the reasons behind the games, they are never considered. It is the obvious that is transparent. The obvious that is relevant. And yet the unconscious decisions could be the ones that matter most. The ones that occur beneath the surface, that our veins haven’t summed up the courage to inform our brains about yet. The secrets that take place beneath our skin are infinite. When are you going to have enough time to get to know yourself? No these things you write, the ones that are supposedly so deep… ,that’s not what you really feel. This is just what has been predestined, you haven’t found the truth yet.

Break The Mould.

And when the sky falls on my head I will simply ask why I was not there to greet it sooner, as all the world is predescribed, predestined. And I have no choice in the matter, regardless of how I squirm and scream and try change the rules, break the way in which history is written. How can you change what has already been done? How can you start a new book with nothing to write on, nothing to write with. You are nothing but a character in the story, a brick of a house. Sure without you life may be lacking, but the story will continue, the house will still stand. Life will go on.

Truth

It gets so exhausting filtering out the lies from the truth; they begin to blend into each other. An impenetrable field of grey. No one to tell one from the other. My truth is only truth to me, only occasionally. Your truths are lies to me, but you must believe them somewhere deep down. An impenetrable field of grey, who’s to know.

Ebb And Flow

Pride is a pitfall. It will make you feel things you do not truly feel, make you question decisions that were once considered unquestionable. And when you lose yourself in the strands of the wind, allow yourself to be blown, weightless, meaningless. What will become of those strands that make you who you are? Will they be separated, ripped to shreds, no longer able to make you you. And when you are so lost in your head and in the world you have created, will you notice the changes? When you stop believing in the things you once believed in, the new beliefs are false. They are temporary, and weak, like an undeveloped inkling in your brain that has yet to form the genius plan you so desperately are trying to come up with. There are no stepping stones to lead you where you need to go, somehow you need to lay them down yourself. And every step you take in life is a new one. Unchartered territory. New opportunity. But it can all begin to feel so repetitive. In a self imposed haze it is hard sometimes to grasp onto the thoughts that swirl and battle to be at the forefront. Numbness is emerging, so tiring these thoughts that often seem irrelevant. Who really cares? They are all temporary, they are all fleeting. Let them pass through and extinguish themselves in the caverns in your brain, those you will never reach. They are harmless.

Irrelevancy

It is so easy to make yourself feel that the thoughts in your head are irrelevant, the tears down your face ridiculous, and the numbness in your heart insanity.
It is so easy to repeat to yourself that it is temporary, that it is irrelevant, that you don’t care, that you are amazing, untouchable.
But it is so hard to really believe those things, for them to really sink in and make themselves at home in your pores, in your fingertips, in your actions.
How often are your words of motivation false? Arisen from fear, from doubting.
How often is your confidence genuine? Not convincing, hoping, cloying.
Someone once told me everything in life is misunderstandings, no one really knows.
No one can ever really feel.
Always and in all circumstances we are by ourselves.
How could you assume to know what someone else is thinking? Why would you even try?
Do you even know what you yourself is thinking, or why?

Avoiding Loneliness

And you should tell them the truth, tell them to stop running from their emotions, to take down that wall they have built, brick by brick. What will you achieve being separated from the world like that? Avoiding loneliness will only bring you further into the centre of it. If you never knew you can never lack, you say. But your fingertips know, your skin knows, your eyes when you close them know. Whether or not you want to, you will feel it. You may as well take control of the emotion, own it. Temporary, but worth it.

I Wrote This For Me

Not only did I not write this for you, but I wrote it for myself. I figured it was about time I started thinking for myself. You can spend your whole life trying to please other people, until you realise the only person who has to live with those decisions, those choices, compromises and sacrifices is yourself. So this is the beginning of the end, or the end of the beginning. This is where it starts.