Tuesday, 10 May 2011

so be



And sometimes you need someone to say its okay,
before you start to believe it is.

Someone to pat you on the back,
give you the thumbs up,
for you to believe in yourself.

I still don't feel it.
I know you tell me I'm good,
but I still don't believe it.

I'm just pouring the words out,
straight from my mind and onto the page.

All the ones i tried, but failed to suffocate.
And I tried, but failed, to replicate
All the ways you made yourself at home on your page.

And I tried, but failed,
to stop myself from feeling the envy.

I wonder if people feel for me how I feel about them.

So caught in my mind its all I can talk about,
how I feel.

I think more than I think i think.
I thought about what I felt and it didn't make sense.

I think more than you think I think.
I felt about and stumbled on to you,
and it made perfect sense.

I'm just babbling,
I've felt such an urge to write.
Such an urge to speak out loud
but this is the only way I might.

And when I take flight it seems no one will be there to catch me,
bar myself,
thats the way it should be.

How many times did you tell yourself not to love me?
I wonder if it was enough to stop the envy.

I wonder if people think the way I think.
If only you could hop, skip and jump,
if only for a moment
into other minds.

I wonder if you'd find them as tiring as you found your own..
If you'd swap their problems back for yours,
after all,
they are your home.

After all,
there's nowhere else to go.
Make your bed, and lie in it.
You'll always be alone
in your own mind.

6 comments:

  1. I tell myself to stop loving you, but it's not enough to stop the envy.
    I love you and I can't stop, that's enough to kill the envy.

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  3. this is too wonderful.

    i've missed your words.
    xo

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  4. such pure and evocative writings...pure poetry,love it!
    xoxo
    lila

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  5. Maybe you should have looked inside yourself to find what you wanted. You felt alone. You saw something that inspired you. Someone you wanted to be or be with. You watched their soul shine for the world exposed in naked beauty. You saw someone real, true. You stared. Then you saw the flaws, the confusion, the loneliness. You stared, analyzed, criticized, judged. Could you you really imagine how hard it was to be vulnerable while the whole world was watching every move he made. The fear he had to overcome knowing that each action and choice he made was watched. I'm sure such a sensitive person must half felt claustrophobic, must have been hard to breathe. It must have been hard to do anything. Still he tried with no expectations. Maybe that person was me. Maybe that person was a normal human being. Just like you.

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  6. this makes SO MUCH SENSE. it's like your describing me.

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