Never invent a person in your head, you will obviously be disappointed when you eventually meet whoever you think they correspond to. And honestly I'm tired of trying to decipher who that person is, and feeling guilty when I don’t get it quite right. How can you start with no preconceptions, or hopes for how a person will be though? Is it even possible?
Because we are coloured with our own history and baggage, I'm also not sure if we can have no preconceptions or expectations. Its perhaps a decision of whether we can live with the whole that they offer. We can only try.
ReplyDeletexo
la-passion-life.blogsspot.com
I just like to be surprised. I go with the one who excites me and let the rest of it be a mystery... no preconceptions. The journey is more fun than the destination.
ReplyDeleteI very much agree with zonedin.
ReplyDeleteI don't want someone I made up; someone to feel like they have to be someone they aren't to live up to who they think I want them to be. I don't want someone who won't risk pissing me off to say what they think. (It doesn't have to be a fight)
I want someone who wants to uncover all the mysteries with me, wants to share new discoveries.
I am not afraid I'll get bored if I 'figure it out'. People aren't absolute equations; they will always surprise you if you're paying attention.
My downfall has always been my preconceived ideas of who I was or how I would act/react.
I think you can have no preconceived expectations for a person's actions. That isn't the same as not having preconceived ideas of how a person will be.
I think that usually people build a general notion of how a person will be. Basic traits, this person is loud, gentle, funny- the rest is filled in by interaction and personal thought process.
Sometimes, the closer someone is to you or the more you want them in your life the more you want them to behave certain ways. The more you may want to be able to live up to their idea of you.
So if you change something about yourself or ask it of someone else, is that an invention or is it truth?
I think it doesn't usually matter to us how a person will be, until it effects our lives or emotions. But that doesn't stop us from having these preconceived ideas.
It's worth considering though, that there are people who are very open minded when it comes to seeing others as free radicals, individuals.
It seems to me that it works like this: Every friday night you stop by a friend's house; the house is always a mess. Friend deep cleans their house every sat morning but you don't know this.
How many people would come away with the idea that their friend is a sloppy, or would say something like "your house is *always* a mess".
What would you think?
These type of situations happen all the time. Our brains work in such a way that we always question, theorize and make conclusions in order to process and understand our world.
We do they same thing to other people. We compare new information, people, situations against what we already know and compare it to what we want. We construct requirements in our worlds and don't understand why people don't always conform.
And most people have little tolerance for what is different or difficult?
We have to work at seeing outside ourselves, at being able to consider people without our own prejudices, judgement and preconceived notions. It is absolutely possible though.
As for inventing people in your head... every single person you know is an invention of your making just as they are inventions of their own. The whole person, the real one is someone inbetween. Can we ever really know someone, or is it all an invention, a misconception?
Maybe we're all caught between seeing, selfishness and miscommunication.
I would like to know if it's possible to allow someone you love enough freedom to be themselves without alienating anyone.
I think if you could achieve this, it would be possible not to feel disappointed when someone didn't match who you thought they were, because you love who they are.
(How we deal with someone not doing what we want them to... if you can't work it out send it to HR. ya know? :)
Of course are your wants aren't going to be met in a person exactly how you think it should be, whether you invent them or not; of course we will be hurt by people.
That isn't due exclusively to people not being who we think they are.
But, I also find that I believe in love at first sight. So... what do I know?
Please excuse the ramble! What you said made me have something to say about this sort of stuff I've been thinking about lately. So much to say, hope I'm making sense. This subject I could get stuck in a diner talking about for hours.
This was interesting to me.
ReplyDeleteSo many ways to think of it and respond.
Fodder for a thousand conversations.
I wrote a comment earlier, a kind of ranting reply that was too long to send apparently!
I posted it here,
http://2anon.blogspot.com/2010/09/i-read-this-post-by-zonedin-and-found-i.html
if you'd like to read it. (ps i realize the post wasn't by zonedin, sorry for the crappy link :)